Hard questions: If answer "yes," need to talk ASAP

An interesting thing has happened since I started writing this blog. The conversations I'm having with my girlfriends about their relationships have been more open. We're discussing what we feel each of us is good at in our relationships and what we feel we could improve on. We're learning from each other about what to do, what to try and what not to do and bonding in the process. I love it!

I've had a number of these relationship-based conversations in the last week (now that I'm Stateside again) and a common theme is emerging...talking about the big issues is hard. Many of my girlfriends are in extremely healthy relationships with wonderful men. And for most of the time, they're on the same page, seeing eye to eye with their mate on most of the major issues or decisions regarding how they'll lead their life, raise their children, etc. So, when an issue arises where it's pretty clear that their viewpoints are differing, both they and their husband's are thrown for a loop. They realize that, as a couple, they've not sufficiently developed their communication skills to know how best to handle this sticky and potentially confrontational issue. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved
This is not going to become a post regarding how to handle these issues, but rather a post regarding three issues that most certainly cannot be ignored, swept under the rug for another day. A post from the Online Divorce Blog caught my eye today as these issues have been mentioned in some form or manner in the conversations that I've had with girlfriends in the last week. The author, Gary Kelly, asks three questions:

• Do you both agree on the amount of sexual activity in your relationship?
• Do you both argue and not talk to one another for a couple of days?
• Do you take separate vacations?

If you've answered "yes" to any of the questions above, you need to sit down with your partner to have a heart to heart ASAP. What are the underlying issues causing you two to hold grudges for days or to take separate vacations? And if you don't share the same sexual desires, what compromises can you both make to be certain that each of you feels as though you're being heard, respected and fulfilled?

Ignoring these issues, if you've answered "yes" to any of the questions above, is not wise. Today you have the power to "right" a wrong. Once you've progressed from somewhat discontent to full out unhappy you've crossed into territory that's hard to return from. It's certainly not impossible, but the amount of effort is ten-fold.

So, bottom line, communicate, communicate, communicate. I don't feel that this mantra can ever fail you.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved