Why I love being married: Part 3

#5: He's a brownie © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved
I've had a theory for years that I refer to as "brownie versus cheesecake." No, I'm not talking about dessert (but honestly, how yummy would a gooey chocolate brownie be right now!) What I'm talking about is relationships, and more specifically the drama quotient of a relationship.

With "brownies" come minimal drama. They are consistent, reliable, predictable and generally pretty low key and easy. "Cheesecakes" on the other hand are temperamental, unreliable, unpredictable and generally just over complicated. (For those who are wondering, my metaphorical references here relate to how difficult it is to bake brownies versus cheesecakes.)

So, back to my theory...a relationship with a "cheesecake", in my opinion, is doomed for failure. From my past, these are the guys that I was so enamored with because they was sooooo philosophical, introspective and mysterious. Yet they were also "flip floppers." One day they'd be totally in to me and the next day I'd feel like I'd need to create a three-ring circus in black lingerie and high heels in order to get noticed. Stated simply, these relationships were just way too much work and generally not satisfying. I spent more time feeling bad about myself, agonizing about what I didn't seem to have or to be doing to make the relationship "work" than I did in feeling enriched by having this person in my life.

A common thread across all my "cheesecake" relationships was that I always felt like I was chasing. I was chasing the guy, hoping that I could find the magic formula that would make him want to be with me, make him love me. Well, obviously this is unhealthy, but ironically a cycle that's hard to break despite it's unhealthiness. Thank God in each case the guy or myself eventually came to our senses and broke things off.

Now to the "brownies"...yes, let's collectively breathe a sigh of relief....ahhhh. This relationship is just so much easier. There is no chasing. There is no mystery on whether he will like me today, tomorrow or a week from now. He's consistent, forthcoming and real.

Adriano is my "brownie" through and through and I love this about him. We have no drama in our relationship. What you see is what you get and there is nothing more refreshing than that. It's predictable. Every day I can expect that he will love me, build me up and support my dreams and goals. I know that he is there to be my sounding board and I don't have to gauge "his mood" before deciding which content to disclose to him.

This reliability, in my opinion, is the foundation on which two people can really begin to develop a closeness to one another. Without it, you'll always be at an arm's length, trying to gauge on a daily basis whether your actions will be deemed "acceptable" today. Everybody deserves more than to be second guessing themselves in a relationship. In my opinion, everybody deserves a brownie.

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Points #1 and 2 regarding why I love being married can be found at Monday's post. Points #3 and 4 can be found in yesterday's post.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved