Headed to Finland

I wanted to give you all the heads up that I'll be taking a break from writing for the Designing Marriage blog over the next couple of weeks. I'm headed to Finland today for a workshop that I'll be participating in over there.

Over the past few months, I've been working on a grant project intent on developing a new payment strategy/ transaction model for assisting a low-income, Bottom of the Pyramid (BoP) community in purchasing a shared resource, such as water harvesting equipment. To date, I've been advising the research team remotely in their in-field data collection efforts in rural areas of the Philippines and in India. This week and next, the team and myself are meeting in Helsinki, Finland to analyze the data that has been collected and conceptualize a new transaction model for selling shared resources to BoP communities.

I'm expecting the workshop–which is 8 days in length–to be pretty intense, so I will bid you all farewell for now. I likely will be posting periodic updates regarding the workshop's progress on the Sylver blog (just launched last week), so feel free to check it out if interested. Otherwise, I'll reconvene with you all during the week of April 27.

Do you need a marriage checkup?

Back in November 2008, I wrote about the "Marriage Checkup" program being created by James V. Cordova, Ph.D. His much anticipated book is about to hit bookstores (I believe late this month), so the marketing efforts for the book are in high gear now.

Just today, MSN reprinted a Redbook article that gives a preview into the questions covered in the checkup. Among them are:

1. Are we curious about each other — and do we express it?
2. Do we each understand when the other needs advice versus simply needing support?
3. How's the sex?

If you've answered "not sure" or "no" to questions 1 and 2 and "could be better" to question 3, I'd suggest you read the Redbook article mentioned above. It might give you some ideas on how shake up your relationship and get you and your partner connecting again.

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A big thanks to Lynn for passing along the MSN article!

Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day

"A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen."- Ty Wenger

I found this analogy intriguing and humorous. I hope you do too.

I also found Ty's article in Redbook chock full of good ideas on how to be a happy couple. Basically he shares strategies that he and his wife and others practice to stay involved in one another's lives and connected as individuals. Enjoy!

Can I be trusted to know what's in my best interest?

Consider yourselves forewarned...this concept is a hard one to grasp, but a good one.

I do not perceive my own best interests. - Marianna Williamson

I'll be honest, I had to listen to Marianne Williamson's March 3 "Miracle Thought for the Day" podcast three times before I truly understood what she was talking about. The concept of me not knowing what might be within my best interest seemed ludicrous, that is until I really got what she was saying.

Paraphrasing, Marianne says that all of what's happened to us in the past affects how we react and respond to the present. When we need to make a decision in the present, we bring all those thoughts and energies from our past to influence the behavior or actions that we deem appropriate to resolve or respond to the current issue(s) garnering our attention. If your past has been all peaches and roses, lucky you...proceed as is. If not, you've got some work to do.

If you have a past that's not so perfect, Marianne says that you need to check your thoughts at the door and enter the situation "empty." By doing this, she says you're admitting that you don't "know" how the story will end and that you're open for the miracles, big and small, that will come into your life, guiding you through that situation.

To those who are religious, they probably read the commentary above and say, "Of course, this is what God does." I'd agree. But I'd also go further to say that this is why it's important to surround yourself with people who've had varied experiences in life, as it's the counsel from all of these people collectively that will challenge you on what you "know" and encourage you to enter situations "empty" and open to the miracle of seeing and reacting to things differently than possibly your past might predict.

Bottom line
We can all overcome the unpleasantness of our past, but have to be open to the concepts of "forgiveness" and "forget."

Wisdom from the pages of "Oprah"

I was catching up on my magazine reading last night, reading the March 2009 issue of "Oprah," and came across a phrase that I thought to be of "Aha" quality.

"Will my response help create the relationship I want or damage it?" - Peter Walsh

This question relates a lot to a post I wrote a few weeks ago called, "Do you react or respond?" Asking yourself this question above, before reacting to the situation, gives you the permission to pause. Answering this question ensures that you've accounted for the consequence of your reaction. And if inserted into the "heat of the moment," you might find that the dynamics of the interaction, whether it be with your spouse, friend or colleague, will change dramatically, as it forces you to view the relationship as a whole, instead of wading around in the details as any argument promotes.