Can I be trusted to know what's in my best interest?

Consider yourselves forewarned...this concept is a hard one to grasp, but a good one.

I do not perceive my own best interests. - Marianna Williamson

I'll be honest, I had to listen to Marianne Williamson's March 3 "Miracle Thought for the Day" podcast three times before I truly understood what she was talking about. The concept of me not knowing what might be within my best interest seemed ludicrous, that is until I really got what she was saying.

Paraphrasing, Marianne says that all of what's happened to us in the past affects how we react and respond to the present. When we need to make a decision in the present, we bring all those thoughts and energies from our past to influence the behavior or actions that we deem appropriate to resolve or respond to the current issue(s) garnering our attention. If your past has been all peaches and roses, lucky you...proceed as is. If not, you've got some work to do.

If you have a past that's not so perfect, Marianne says that you need to check your thoughts at the door and enter the situation "empty." By doing this, she says you're admitting that you don't "know" how the story will end and that you're open for the miracles, big and small, that will come into your life, guiding you through that situation.

To those who are religious, they probably read the commentary above and say, "Of course, this is what God does." I'd agree. But I'd also go further to say that this is why it's important to surround yourself with people who've had varied experiences in life, as it's the counsel from all of these people collectively that will challenge you on what you "know" and encourage you to enter situations "empty" and open to the miracle of seeing and reacting to things differently than possibly your past might predict.

Bottom line
We can all overcome the unpleasantness of our past, but have to be open to the concepts of "forgiveness" and "forget."

Happy? Yes/ No

On my first day of grad school a professor gave the assignment to write a bio. He wanted to be educated about who we were, where we had come from, and what we hoped our new graduate education might enable us to do. In addition, he asked us to share what drove us as individuals.

I took a very "macro" approach to answering the question "what drives you?" My answer was simple: happiness.

This was not the answer the professor was expecting, nor the answer that he felt was appropriate. He didn't quite single me out, but gave "the class" the opportunity to make adjustments to their bios, saying that some were a little too "touchy-feely." To this day, I'm still not sure that I was one of the students that he wanted to alter their bios. Although, I distinctly remember getting that uncomfortable "He's talking to me" feeling as he was addressing the class. So, I thought about rewriting my bio for a day or two, yet eventually decided against it. While I could write about a number of things that "drive" me (that might be more expected within a business context), they still all equal "happiness" when stripped down to their core.

I have weekly "Happiness Check-ins" with myself. A simple question is asked, "Are you happy?" If the answer is "yes," I proceed as is. If the answer is "no," the dissection process begins. And the following questions proceed in rapid succession:

• How are you feeling? (i.e. sad, stifled, tired unappreciated, etc.)
• Why are you feeling this way?
• What needs to change to make you feel happy again?

To some (like the professor in grad school), this "drive" towards happiness may seem a bit too ethereal. Yet, from past experience, I can say that it's these regular "Happiness Check-ins" (plus the guts to instigate change when the answer to the happiness question is "no") that help me ensure I'm leading the life I want to lead.

Now that I'm married, I think these "Happiness Check-ins" are even more important than when I was single. In the years of being with Adriano, I've found that when I'm upset and irritated with him (without necessarily being able to pinpoint why), that 8 times out of 10 my "unhappiness" has nothing to do with him. He, unfortunately, is just the closest person to which I can project my unhappiness, hoping to feel better by doing so. When in reality, my problem is related to something that I'm not doing for myself and my body is screaming, "Enough!"

What makes me "unhappy?" Many things can cause this, but most typically for me, my happiness level goes down when I'm consistently giving my time and energy to other people, without reserving any for myself.

It usually takes me a bit to ponder why specifically I'm not "happy" and then a day or two to start executing a plan to ensure that "happiness" returns. Miraculously, once the plan is in action, my positive energy returns, flowing into everything in my life, from my marriage to the myriad of other relationships and ambitions that I have. And then everything is set and "on track" until the next "happiness" glitch occurs.

If it's not working, fix it

Wow...what a crazy month! There have been a lot of good moments (my husband was in the US for the first time in over a year...yeah!). Yet, there have been a lot of stressful and troubling moments as well, the most recent being my Dad needing emergency bypass surgery on his heart. It's an understatement to say that I'd like to fast forward to the "lighter" moments of 2009...that must be around the corner. (I don't think I can take much more.)

For all the troubles that the last month has offered, it's also provided much time for reflection. When all is said and done, I think the following principle offers most of the wisdom required to live a fulfilled life.

When some thing's not working, fix it
The role of "victim" is over played by many. Yes, we all at some point in our lives get the short end of the stick, whether that means someone treats us unfairly, sickness hits us, a family member or a friend, a job is lost, etc. It's acceptable to temporarily have a stunned reaction. We can be hurt, upset, ticked off, depressed, etc., but eventually (and hopefully sooner rather than later) we stand up for ourselves and take action.

I learned a long time ago that much of your environment and other people's emotions and actions you cannot control. The only thing that is within your "power" is to control your reactions to the facts of your situation. If you look at the facts, they can be empowering and transformative, offering you the guidelines required to move forward and giving you the necessary kick in the butt to change your situation.

I encourage everyone to do an audit of your life. Is there something in your life causing you to be disappointed, uncomfortable, or sad? Dissect the facts of that situation. What's happening? How can you change your reaction to that situation to regain a sense of happiness with yourself and a different perspective of the situation?

Challenges offer opportunities to overcome them. They offer opportunities for learning about yourself. You can choose to see the silver lining in everything that happens in life, good or bad. Or you can choose to be the "victim" and project a "whoa is me" type of attitude. I loose patience with the latter mentality pretty quickly and with all that has happened in the last month...well, I'm done. I'm reclaiming my happiness starting today...dealing with one thing at a time. Enough is enough! © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved