Happy? Yes/ No

On my first day of grad school a professor gave the assignment to write a bio. He wanted to be educated about who we were, where we had come from, and what we hoped our new graduate education might enable us to do. In addition, he asked us to share what drove us as individuals.

I took a very "macro" approach to answering the question "what drives you?" My answer was simple: happiness.

This was not the answer the professor was expecting, nor the answer that he felt was appropriate. He didn't quite single me out, but gave "the class" the opportunity to make adjustments to their bios, saying that some were a little too "touchy-feely." To this day, I'm still not sure that I was one of the students that he wanted to alter their bios. Although, I distinctly remember getting that uncomfortable "He's talking to me" feeling as he was addressing the class. So, I thought about rewriting my bio for a day or two, yet eventually decided against it. While I could write about a number of things that "drive" me (that might be more expected within a business context), they still all equal "happiness" when stripped down to their core.

I have weekly "Happiness Check-ins" with myself. A simple question is asked, "Are you happy?" If the answer is "yes," I proceed as is. If the answer is "no," the dissection process begins. And the following questions proceed in rapid succession:

• How are you feeling? (i.e. sad, stifled, tired unappreciated, etc.)
• Why are you feeling this way?
• What needs to change to make you feel happy again?

To some (like the professor in grad school), this "drive" towards happiness may seem a bit too ethereal. Yet, from past experience, I can say that it's these regular "Happiness Check-ins" (plus the guts to instigate change when the answer to the happiness question is "no") that help me ensure I'm leading the life I want to lead.

Now that I'm married, I think these "Happiness Check-ins" are even more important than when I was single. In the years of being with Adriano, I've found that when I'm upset and irritated with him (without necessarily being able to pinpoint why), that 8 times out of 10 my "unhappiness" has nothing to do with him. He, unfortunately, is just the closest person to which I can project my unhappiness, hoping to feel better by doing so. When in reality, my problem is related to something that I'm not doing for myself and my body is screaming, "Enough!"

What makes me "unhappy?" Many things can cause this, but most typically for me, my happiness level goes down when I'm consistently giving my time and energy to other people, without reserving any for myself.

It usually takes me a bit to ponder why specifically I'm not "happy" and then a day or two to start executing a plan to ensure that "happiness" returns. Miraculously, once the plan is in action, my positive energy returns, flowing into everything in my life, from my marriage to the myriad of other relationships and ambitions that I have. And then everything is set and "on track" until the next "happiness" glitch occurs.