Tips for nurturing a long-distance marriage

Sorry I've been a bit MIA these last few weeks. There's been a lot going on. I've been heads down trying to finish some projects and have been traveling quite a bit as well. I spent two weeks in the US at the start of the month. My schedule is always crazy when I'm there.

Tips for surviving a long-distance marriage
While in the US, I came across this article about tips for surviving a long-distance marriage. Being that Adriano and I spend approximately 6 months apart in a given year, the tips provided were highly relevant to he and I. To go further, I'd specifically endorse these few as essential.

• Set aside specific times to connect on the phone or through technological advances, such as Webcams or Skype.
• Keep communication at a hyper level. It's not crazy to talk five times a day or more to a long-distance spouse.
• Have regular "relationship checkups," focusing on how it's going and whether the needs of both spouses are being met.
• If possible, set a goal to move back together by a specific date.

Now to further the list...

You need to know when it's not the right time to connect
I'd also add that sometimes you just have to know when it's not the right time to talk or connect...because an unfocused conversation can do more damage than not having one at all. Case in point, one night Adriano called while I was in the US. He was already in bed, half sleeping on the phone. I was still sitting in front of my computer, trying to finish up whatever I had to do for that day. At that point in time, we weren't each other's priority and we both knew it. After a few moments of mediocre conversation, I had suggested we hang up and plan to talk the next night at 7pm. Adriano reluctantly agreed and I felt guilty about not being able to focus on him and "us" at that moment.

So, imagine my delight and surprise when I got the following email from Adriano the next morning.

Hi my love,
These last few days have been so crazy and fast paced that my head is still a bit fuzzy, cannot think very straight. I was thinking this morning, while taking a shower, that you were so right about last night not being the right time to chat over the phone. I think couples sometimes cannot read their partner and their state of mind. It was a great insight for me.

Things here are going well so far. Not too busy and being able to do my stuff. Let's chat a bit later? I could try to call you from work...I found out a way to use a voip system they have in place.

Bjs, Dri

This email made me so happy. I felt that trying to force a conversation that night would have been bad. Too many other things were on our minds, particularly mine as I was anxiously trying to finish my work day at 10pm! Getting the email was validation that we were both on the same page about this, even if we weren't initially. I felt loved, respected and appreciated.

Leverage technology to it's fullest
Pictures help a lot too in feeling close to one another. Nearly all of us have cell phones with cameras embedded into them these days. Sometimes Adriano and I are better at this than others, but when we do focus on talking pictures of what we're doing throughout the day it helps. Not only do we feel more connected, but the photos become excellent probes for conversation later.

Wrap-up
You could say that Adriano and I are becoming "experts" in knowing how to keep our marriage alive across distance. I don't know if it ever really becomes "easier," but the tips offered above (and my adds) can go a long way in minimizing the emotional distance between the two of you while you're apart.