The Year of Change

It seems that 2009 is the year of "change." It was Obama's campaign promise before we even knew the significance of what that meant personally to us on a day-to-day level. And now, three months after he's been elected and four months after the crash of the markets, I don't think there is a single person who isn't feeling "change," whether they are yearning for it, resisting it, or both, depending on the topic we're talking about.

A few weeks ago I made reference to the tumultuous start that 2009 has been for my family and friends. To sum it up, the last two months have been about illness, unexpected surgeries, deaths, relationships breaking up...honestly, so many things seem to be upendeding simultaneously that's it's almost laughable. (Because if you don't laugh you're going to cry).

Well, all this change happening within the economy, my life personally, etc. has gotten me thinking and theorizing. This is clean out time. I've always believed that life (or fate or God or all the above) have a way of making sure you're doing what you need to be doing when you need to be doing it. Initially you get signs (hints if you will) that change is coming. You can choose to be aware of these hints and embrace the change or you can sweep the hints under the rug and be blind-sided. Regardless, change will come.

And 2009 I think is a year of massive change (or as the folks at this week's World Economic Forum are saying, "Transformational change.") Basically, this is the year when everything that is not working, whether that be our financial markets, jobs, or relationships...everything is getting a shake up. Everything will get righted again...eventually. So, the questions are:

• Are you taking the hints of where in your life shake up is about to occur?
• And more importantly, how are you preparing yourself for that change?

I think it's time for all of us to reflect. And to help with that reflection, I have two articles to share.

The first article is another great one by Martha Beck. It's about trying to escape your rat race. The tag line of the article questions, "Feeling trapped by a job, relationship, or routine, but terrified to make a change?" It's worth reading the whole article, but a game presented within it of "You're Getting Warmer, You're Getting Colder" I thought was great. Quoting Martha:

It isn't necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse. If something feels both good and bad, break it down into its components to see which are warm, which are cold. Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look.

The second article, also from the January 2009 issue of Oprah, is called "You Don't Need More Willpower..." This article talks about how to make change that you want happen. There's an interesting exercise that accompanies it from Harvard University researchers Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. It's designed to help you figure out what's holding you back to achieving the things that you desire. Check it out. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved

Can a movie save a marriage?

I read this interesting article this morning. Apparently the movie, "Fireproof", due in video stores and for sale today, has a track record of helping couples with troubled marriages patch things up.

I'm curious and a little skeptical at the same time. But, I'm game...I want to watch this movie. Testimonials regarding it are from couples who were separated, on the verge of divorce, who after watching this film found a new way of relating to one another that allowed them to find "love" between them again. Adriano and I aren't having issues in our marriage, thankfully, but there's no harm in preventative care! Hearing of this movie reminds me a bit of my "Marriage Check-up" post from November. After watching the trailer for the movie, I think probably any couple, troubled or not, could gleam some interesting tips and techniques regarding how to continually show their love for one another.

Has anyone seen this movie that reads this blog? I would love to hear your thoughts on it if you have. Once I have a chance to watch it, I'll be sharing my reactions as well. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved

If it's not working, fix it

Wow...what a crazy month! There have been a lot of good moments (my husband was in the US for the first time in over a year...yeah!). Yet, there have been a lot of stressful and troubling moments as well, the most recent being my Dad needing emergency bypass surgery on his heart. It's an understatement to say that I'd like to fast forward to the "lighter" moments of 2009...that must be around the corner. (I don't think I can take much more.)

For all the troubles that the last month has offered, it's also provided much time for reflection. When all is said and done, I think the following principle offers most of the wisdom required to live a fulfilled life.

When some thing's not working, fix it
The role of "victim" is over played by many. Yes, we all at some point in our lives get the short end of the stick, whether that means someone treats us unfairly, sickness hits us, a family member or a friend, a job is lost, etc. It's acceptable to temporarily have a stunned reaction. We can be hurt, upset, ticked off, depressed, etc., but eventually (and hopefully sooner rather than later) we stand up for ourselves and take action.

I learned a long time ago that much of your environment and other people's emotions and actions you cannot control. The only thing that is within your "power" is to control your reactions to the facts of your situation. If you look at the facts, they can be empowering and transformative, offering you the guidelines required to move forward and giving you the necessary kick in the butt to change your situation.

I encourage everyone to do an audit of your life. Is there something in your life causing you to be disappointed, uncomfortable, or sad? Dissect the facts of that situation. What's happening? How can you change your reaction to that situation to regain a sense of happiness with yourself and a different perspective of the situation?

Challenges offer opportunities to overcome them. They offer opportunities for learning about yourself. You can choose to see the silver lining in everything that happens in life, good or bad. Or you can choose to be the "victim" and project a "whoa is me" type of attitude. I loose patience with the latter mentality pretty quickly and with all that has happened in the last month...well, I'm done. I'm reclaiming my happiness starting today...dealing with one thing at a time. Enough is enough! © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved