If it's not working, fix it

Wow...what a crazy month! There have been a lot of good moments (my husband was in the US for the first time in over a year...yeah!). Yet, there have been a lot of stressful and troubling moments as well, the most recent being my Dad needing emergency bypass surgery on his heart. It's an understatement to say that I'd like to fast forward to the "lighter" moments of 2009...that must be around the corner. (I don't think I can take much more.)

For all the troubles that the last month has offered, it's also provided much time for reflection. When all is said and done, I think the following principle offers most of the wisdom required to live a fulfilled life.

When some thing's not working, fix it
The role of "victim" is over played by many. Yes, we all at some point in our lives get the short end of the stick, whether that means someone treats us unfairly, sickness hits us, a family member or a friend, a job is lost, etc. It's acceptable to temporarily have a stunned reaction. We can be hurt, upset, ticked off, depressed, etc., but eventually (and hopefully sooner rather than later) we stand up for ourselves and take action.

I learned a long time ago that much of your environment and other people's emotions and actions you cannot control. The only thing that is within your "power" is to control your reactions to the facts of your situation. If you look at the facts, they can be empowering and transformative, offering you the guidelines required to move forward and giving you the necessary kick in the butt to change your situation.

I encourage everyone to do an audit of your life. Is there something in your life causing you to be disappointed, uncomfortable, or sad? Dissect the facts of that situation. What's happening? How can you change your reaction to that situation to regain a sense of happiness with yourself and a different perspective of the situation?

Challenges offer opportunities to overcome them. They offer opportunities for learning about yourself. You can choose to see the silver lining in everything that happens in life, good or bad. Or you can choose to be the "victim" and project a "whoa is me" type of attitude. I loose patience with the latter mentality pretty quickly and with all that has happened in the last month...well, I'm done. I'm reclaiming my happiness starting today...dealing with one thing at a time. Enough is enough! © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved

Five (Pragmatic) Tips to a Happy Marriage: Part 2

Picking up from yesterday's post, let's talk about the third step to a happy marriage.

Step 3: Pull out a happy face
According to Parade magazine, this means:

Keep a picture of the two of you at your happiest and look at it whenever you’re annoyed with one another.

My computer back splash used to be reserved for a picture of Adriano and I from our most recent vacation (all of which we have a blast on). Recently though, my new niece, Analise, has taken that spot. I only get to see her every few months, so it helps with the in between times!

I've been missing those constant reminders of mine and Adriano's past vacations though. I've been wanting to make some kind of photo wall in our house, but have hesitated. I'm very particular on style. However, I recently saw a picture in the Winter issue of O at Home that I thought could match my personal style and desire for clean lines, while making sure mine and Adriano's happy faces are displayed and become a daily reminder of why we love one another. I thought I'd share the picture. (You'll notice the staples in the corner of the picture. Yes, I make scrapbooks of home decorating ideas that I like!) Maybe it'll help to get your creative juices flowing. Enjoy!

The silver lining of a downturned economy: Divorce rates are decreasing

Yahoo had an interesting video posted on their site yesterday about how the downturn of the economy is affecting divorce rates. Apparently, people that once maybe would have been quick to divorce are having to put on the brakes. The costs associated with divorce are just too expensive at a time when people are loosing their jobs, 401Ks, etc.

People are being forced to stick it out. And this might just be the silver lining of a bad economy. A report by the Center for Marriage and Family found that "among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later." © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved
The question is, how did these couples turn things around? What contributed to them becoming happier and more fulfilled by one another in the long term? Another article posted at Couples Company states that these couples were able to avoid divorce because they:

• Outlasted their conflicts rather than resolving them. Many stresses connected to children, finances, job problems, depression and even affairs just eased on their own.
  
  
• Worked on their relationship. They resolved conflicts, improved communication and found more effective ways to navigate through problematic areas.
  
  
• Found ways to improve their personal happiness through other interests and outlets that were not harmful to their marriage. This in essence lowered the partners' expectations of each other to be the only source of happiness.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved