How "in" to going to party "x" are you?

As the holidays approach, we'll all likely have more obligations with family, friends and co-workers than we'd maybe like. Many events will be great fun. Yet, I'm sure there will be at least a few where you'll feel like you'd rather stay home or at least do something else. Truth is, sometimes you can avoid certain events and other times you can't, but regardless it's always good to get a read on how "in" to attending the event you and your spouse are.

In doing some research a few weeks ago about communication tools, I came across this post sharing a few different techniques to help you and you partner quantify how "in" to doing an activity each of you are. Hardly do I think these are techniques that you need to exercise towards every invitation in your life, but they do come in handy when one or both of you is a bit ho-hum about attending something.

Case in point, a few weeks ago, Adriano and I were invited to a happy hour event that a client of his was hosting. By the time we had met up for the evening, it was pretty late (maybe 8:30pm). I would have gone to the event had it been something super important to Adriano, but was also equally happy not to go. We were having his parent's over to the house for breakfast the next morning, we had no food in the house and the grocery stores closed at 10pm. We were under a time crunch. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved
After the third round of, "I don't know...do you want to go? I'll go if you want to go," I broke out Sandra Aldrich’s "Creative Numbers Technique." You can read more details about the technique in the link above, but here is a brief synopsis form her book, Men Read Newspapers, Not Minds

“While trying to make a decision as to whether to attend a family event”, this lady’s (Sandra's friend) “husband’s gentle resignation” caught her attention. As she pondered the dilemma, she turned the invitation over and drew a chart—5 squares in a row, numbered from 1-5. Then she labeled each square:

#1. I really don’t want to do this.

#2. I don’t want to do this, but I’m willing to talk about it.

#3. I don’t care one way or another.

#4. I’d like to do this, but I won’t die if we don’t.

#5. Yes, this is very, very important to me.

This lady’s husband surprised her with how strong he felt on the issue because he didn’t appear to have such strong feelings on the matter. After discussing the subject further, they came up with a plan that made them both agreeably happy with the decision. And as Sandra shares, “That good bonding time would never have happened if she hadn’t come up with a better way to communicate with her husband."

In the end, Adriano and I did not go to the party. My number was a #2 and his was a #3. Instead we went grocery shopping and were much more relaxed come Saturday morning than we would have been otherwise.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved