Less is more: Focus on what's bothering you most

I started reading a new book yesterday called Perfect Pitch: The Art of Selling Ideas and Winning New Business (Adweek Books). So far I'm really enjoying it. It's all about the art of selling ideas and winning new business. Most of the examples referred to in the text relate to Jon's work experiences at various advertising agencies.

In reading the following passage, it occurred to me that these same principles of good communication for business are also quite relevant for people who are in committed relationships.

To people who work in the advertising business, the theory that single-minded communication works better than that which attempts to communicate a number of ideas simultaneously is far from revolutionary. For decades, Volkswagen's advertising has consistently communicated reliability. Whatever its specific message, whether it be about a desktop computer, a laptop or an iPod, Apple's advertising has always championed creativity. Avis built its reputation–and continues to refocus its communication today–on the line, "We try harder." More recently, a strategy for building milk sales in California based on the idea that you should buy more because it's a real pain in the ass to run out of it, is articulated simply (with no need for further explanation) with the words, got milk?

These are simple ideas, simply stated. But...many clients feel that one idea alone may not be enough to persuade everyone. ...Communicating one idea isn't such a great return on investment–why can't they communicate two? Three? Four? ...After all, there's just so much to say about their product.

...It's an irrefutable truth of communication, whether you are talking to an audience of a million on network television, or an audience of one at your own kitchen table, that the more points you attempt to make, the less your audience will take in. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved

So, in short, when you're trying to make a business pitch less is more. And the same holds true for communicating with your partner, especially when you're trying to communicate your position on an issue that causes a sense of conflict in your relationship.

Case in point, back in May I wasn't feeling all that lovey dovey towards Adriano. There were a lot of things that were bothering me...some stuff was factual, other things were made up in my head. It would have been easy to download absolutely everything on him (plus the kitchen sink) and likely I would have received no action had I done that. Instead I took the time to figure out what was the core thing that was bothering me; the thing that if righted might fix how I was feeling about the other things.

When my feelings all got boiled down, the thing that bothered me most was the lack of "quality time" that we had together in Brazil. We don't get enough of it in Brazil by default. Culture and how people live here compete for that time on a daily basis.

Instead of talking to Adriano about all the things that were bothering me at the moment, I started the conversation by saying that I needed more "quality" and alone time with him; that we needed to make this a priority for the health of our relationship. I'm not sure he understood my need at that time, but respected my wishes all the same. Together, we made a strategy for how to carve out "quality time" for one another on a weekly basis, often times defying cultural expectations to do so. Needless to say, we both have greatly enjoyed the more focused time that we've given to one another. And once we got "quality time" back on track, the other issues that were bothering me magically disappeared.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved