A few weeks ago I wrote a post questioning whether a movie can save a marriage. The movie in question is "Fireproof."
Adriano and I had a chance to finally watch it last night and so I thought I'd offer a bit of a review.You have to get past the bad acting and out of sync audio initially, but once you do, you get immersed in the movie's beautiful story. It's about a struggling marriage. Both partners are on the verge of calling it quits. They don't feel love for one another any more, only resentment and irritation. On a dare from his father, Caleb (Kirk Cameron) gives himself 40 days of following the principles of the "The Love Dare"
to see if he can turn his marriage around. The movie takes the viewer on the journey of what that experience was like for he and his wife, giving glimpses into how each of them needed to change the ways they viewed and thought of their marriage (and their behavior in it) in order to find common ground and love again.So, do I think this movie could save a marriage? Adriano and I think "Fireproof" has a great message and offers hope to couples ready to give up. It offers a plan, a regimen, for finding common ground again; a prescription for how to renew your love. I think if people follow the plan, the chances for success are high.
I questioned in the original post on this topic if this movie would be a good one for any couple to watch, regardless of what state your marriage was in. I thought it might offer some tips and techniques on how to be a better spouse even if you weren't on the verge of walking out. There are a few things offered in the movie, although subtle. It's really about saving a marriage on the brink of divorce. Yet, despite this, there was one philosophy that resonated with Adriano and I.
One of the love dares was to "study" your partner. The principle behind this is that when you're dating someone you're constantly learning more about them. Yet, oftentimes, once you get married that constant learning stops. You assume that you know everything there is to know about that person when in reality, at best, you only have a high school diploma's worth of knowledge about that person. You need to keep studying to get your Masters and Ph.D.
Adriano and I have questioned what level of knowledge we have about each other since watching this movie yesterday. I think we've surmised that we have a bit more than a high school diploma, but don't quite yet have the Masters. We both agree that having a child, seeing how we interact with that child and each other once that child arrives, that this likely will be the learning curve required to give us the Master's degree on each other.
I'd love to hear the thoughts of anyone else that has watched the movie. © 2009 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved
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kim and i just watched the movie last week as well. we have wanted to for some time and seeing it be the topic of your blog promted us to make it happen. the acting was definately poor, however once the movie got going we got past it. I was caught off gaurd by "day 21" the studing your partner day. i'm sure that i graduated with honors at the high school level for studing my wife, however there have been times in the past three years where i have almost flunked out (metaphorically). its not that i didn't love my wife i just got busy focusing on me instead of her. The other incredible insight in the middle of the movie is that about half way through the 40 days he realized that his heart had not been in it. i was instantly able to think of times in my marriage where i have done things because i knew she wanted me to or it was the right thing to do, yet i always seemed dissapointed by the results or outcome of the situation. there is a stark contrast between those times and the times when my heart has been there 110%. when i'm in the game and do even the smallest thing for my wife out of just simply prefering her and serving her needs over mine the response from her is overwhelming. when we are both seeking to serve each other our marriage takes great strides forward resulting in amazing depths of love and respect. i would say that kim and i (about to have our second child) are well into our masters coarses on each other. we discussed this metaphor and are sure that even in the best marriage it would take at least 20 years to get a PhD. The last thing about the movie that i wanted to comment on is how it differs from many love movies done in hollywood. at the end of the movie both caracters face the truth, they were wrong, both of them. marriage is and always will be, from the fist day to the last, about both people. it takes two people to commit to a marriage, two people to let a marriage fall apart and two people to fix a broken marriage. i hope that my comment is helpful to somebody.... thanks for doing this blog, its a helpful tool when all of our marriages have a 50/50 chance of success... lets be the generation that changes that statistic. kim says hi, we love you guys. ben
ReplyDeletep.s. we ordered the Love Challenge book to go thru it together from a standpoint of seeing what it can do for a marriage that is working well, but there is always room for improvement. We'll let you know how it goes.
Ben,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences related to Fireproof and your's and Kim's marriage. Everything you've mentioned makes perfect sense. And we've all been there at one point in time. Marriage is a learning process for sure.
Please do keep me posted on your's and Kim's experience in completing the tasks of "The Love Dare." Adriano and I were thinking about ordering the book as well. It's on my to-do list for when I get back to Chicago next!