Say What You Mean

It's sort of a no brainer to say that we're not all mind readers. On a theoretical level we all know this...we get it. Yet, in practice, way too often this concept gets lost. We only say or do half of what we mean and hope the other person will make the leap in connecting the dots to know what your true motives or intentions are. It's no wonder that we get lost in communication.

Throughout my years of consulting experience I've learned that vagueness gets you no where. You have to be direct and to the point. I find that this principle, when followed, fairs pretty well in your personal life as well.

Case in point, over the holidays Adriano and I were shopping. I had been given a gift that was a duplicate of something that I already owned, so I wanted to exchange the gift for something different, something I'd actually use. We went to the store, which turned out to be a place so out of line with my general style and personality and then super expensive on top of that. Adriano and I scoured the store trying to find something that I liked or wanted within the price range of the gift that I had to exchange. The best thing we found was a wine corker, which fell about $12 below the money we had to spend.

We couldn't find anything else in the store to purchase that was less than $12 or really anything else in the store that I wanted. So, in the end, I said, "It doesn't matter. I found something I'll use. We'll purchase the wine corker and then turn around to the next person in line. They'll get $12 toward their purchase. It'll make their day and the extra money won't go to waste." Never would I find myself driving specifically out to this store in the Chicago suburbs to shop again.

So, I'm up at the counter, purchasing the wine corker. At this moment, Adriano finds a box of mints that's going for about $3. He pushed three my way saying, "Here, these are $3." I'm thinking that he's just trying to find a way to spend the $12 that we have left on the exchange. And, by now, I'm really digging the idea of being able to make someone else's day. I totally missed the point that he actually wanted the mints and didn't get them.

Well, you can imagine what happened. Adriano was a bit upset with me. I didn't understand why. Finally it comes out that he really wanted the mints and why did I deny him that, etc.

Needless to say, this is a very minor example, but indicative all the same to the confusion that will prevail if you simply don't say what you mean. So the next time you don't "get your way," it might be good practice to reflect on whether you truly communicated what you needed or wanted. © 2009 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved