Did You Marry Your Father (or Mother)?

I did. Adriano has a number of characteristics that are similar to my father's. His mind is always working, looks at every barrier as a challenge, finds solutions in the craziest things (duct tape factors in heavily here!) and treats everyone with kindness and respect. I found a man who possesses all the wonderful qualities of my father and for this reason I "did good," in the words of my dad. : )

Likewise, I think Adriano married his mother. A funny story...at the end of 2007 I went to see a psychic in NYC with my girlfriend, Sandy. As soon as I sat down in front of the psychic he said very matter-a-factly, "You're mother-in-law must be a strong woman. Your husband wouldn't know how to handle you otherwise." At first I didn't know how to response. Honestly, this was the first thing the psychic said to me. I didn't know whether this was an insult or a compliment? I didn't quite know how to react. But the truth is, after reflection on his comment, and especially after spending more time with my mother-in-law, there's no getting around it, we are a lot alike. I'd hope that Adriano would say that I possess all the good qualities of his mom too, but I'll have to let him weigh in on that one.

So why do I bring up this question? CNN sort of instigated this post, as my friend, Andrea, sent me an article published Wednesday at their site called, "Why You're Likely to Marry Your Parent." But additionally this is a topic that I've talked about with friends over the years. Yet in most cases, the stories told haven't been quite as favorable as the one I just shared about Adriano. No, in most cases, friends have gravitated towards men (or women) who emulate all the negative behaviors of their parents. CNN's article gives a glimpse into why that might happen, from things such as trying to right old wrongs to gaining comfort in familiarity.

You can wallow in the "whys," but I choose to live life based on the perspective that we all have the opportunity to do right for ourselves on a daily basis. Sure some of us have had more messed up childhoods than others. And maybe some haven't had the best role models to know fully what a constructive relationship is, looks like or feels like. But, I think if you can identify what you don't want to be or do, then this is your starting point. And this can become your check list; your way of monitoring your own behavior within the relationship and qualifying the other people that you allow into your life. © 2009 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved