Connection Points

I introduced “Connection Points” to Adriano on a CTA platform at about midnight after having gone to a ballet with our good friends, James and Melissa. We had had a great time and I was feeling “love.” Going to the ballet together, experiencing that event together, helped me to remember why it was that I loved him and why it was that I was planning to marry him in a few months time.

We didn’t have to have a big conversation about it. I simply put my fingers to my mouth, kissed them, and then put them on his chest…almost like I was half blowing him a kiss and half giving him a sticker. Well, as you can imagine he had questions, the first one being, “What was that for?” I then proceeded to share with him the rules of the game.

CONNECTION POINT INSTRUCTIONS ------------------------

What is a “Connection Point”?
Simply put, a Connection Point is an imaginary sticker that you slap on the lapel of your partner when he/she acts or behaves in a manner that makes you feel connected to him or her.

Connection Points aren’t redeemable for anything. You can’t save them up for a grand prize or cash them in. The Connection Point is only a way to tell your partner that he or she has touched you. It’s simply positive reinforcement and encourages your partner to repeat whatever the behavior is that has caused for you to feel connected to him or her.

This is silly…what’s the value of giving and receiving “Connection Points”?
Yes, it seems silly to be slapping imaginary stickers on the lapel of your partner, but think about the communication vehicle that you are establishing. You are sharing with your partner what activities/behaviors make you feel truly connected to him or her. What you’ll likely find is that you “connect” to one another differently. Without communicating with one another about your different connection needs, the relationship often times becomes skewed. You end up doing more things that fulfill the connection needs of one partner more so than the other…depending on whom in the relationship is more accommodating. It doesn’t happen on purpose in most cases…it just happens. © 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved

Connection Points are a vehicle for openly discussing your needs in a non-threatening and playful way. They’re a way to learn about each other and bring your differences to the forefront, so that as an individual you can become more sensitive and proactive in meeting your partner’s connection needs.

An example…
Before Connection Points my husband, Adriano, and I thought we connected with one another the same way. For him, watching movies snuggled up together on the couch and touching one another is what makes him feel connected to me. For me, exploring the world with him…experiencing new things is how I feel connected to him.

We went through a period of time where we just couldn’t find common ground. I felt like if I had to watch one more movie at home I was going to scream. He was cool…there were no problems. I simply felt pent up at home and really unhappy.

Through Connection Points we’ve been able to understand how to structure experiences for another that result in touching the inner core of one another. It’s also given us the opportunity to light-heartedly remind each of when we haven’t received Connection Points. That’s been useful for guiding discussions on what we need to do for each other to fulfill each other’s connection needs.

© 2008 - Brianna Sylver - All rights reserved